


Pepper vs The Bathroom

by Zeckarin



Series: And they were roomates... (but there were two beds) [25]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Brian is an unrecognised genius, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hugs, Humor, Protective Crowley, Queerplatonic Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Sleepover in the bookshop, Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:01:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22779868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeckarin/pseuds/Zeckarin
Summary: The Them are going to stay at the bookshop for a couple of days...
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & The Them (Good Omens), Crowley & Pepper (Good Omens)
Series: And they were roomates... (but there were two beds) [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1523585
Comments: 18
Kudos: 130





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> February's ficlet #14 !  
> Prompt : "Careful, or you're going to ruin your reputation for being a complete bad ass."

Aziraphale was overexcited since they had the news.

“In London! For three days! We have to have them here !”

“It’s a school trip, angel. They already have a place to stay, with all the other kids,” answered Crowley, just to be contrary.

The angel just _looked_ at him, and Crowley made a face. Who was he kidding? The Them would be in town for three whole days, and no way they would sleep anywhere but at the bookshop.

So, a very persuasive phone call later, it was all settled. Aziraphale had already transformed the first floor’s bedroom, which was only used by Adam, into a dormitory with four little beds instead of the giant, king sized one their godson used on his stays.

Crowley felt a little flattered to see the angel hadn’t even waited to see the outcome of his phone call to the teacher.

“Aziraphale. What in Heaven is that?” he huffed as he entered the room.

The angel looked at him in confusion. “This is a bedroom, of course.”

“That’s not right, angel. It’s a sleepover. You have to put mattresses, not _beds_.”

“But… won’t beds be more comfortable?”

“Probably, but that’s not the point. Mattresses are fun. And sleeping bags instead of downs. Oh, and change Pepper’s bed. She won’t like to have stars on hers.”

Aziraphale looked around with a dejected expression. “But… but Pepper _likes_ stars! And red !”

“Too girly. Red is okay, but get rid of the stars.”

The angel made the changes with a heavy sigh. “But she _really_ loves stars...” he bemoaned while Crowley put the kettle in the kitchen.

“She’s a teen, angel. Let it go. Don’t worry, they’re gonna love it.”

His friend sat at the counter with an anxious smile. “Oh, I really hope so. I do want them to enjoy themselves!”

* * *

The kid’s day out had been fun, and it showed. Crowley, judging they weren’t overexcited enough, had bought them each a giant bag of candies and allowed them to eat as much as they wanted before bed. Aziraphale didn’t exactly agree with that, but couldn’t bring himself to deprive the dear children from their sweets. He was the one showing them their bedroom, and wriggled happily at the “wicked!” and “awesome !” they let out as they entered it.

Pepper was the first to ask the Question.

“Where is the bathroom?” she asked politely.

Aziraphale beamed and almost bounced to the two doors at the other side of the room, opening them to disclose two bathrooms: the one Adam already knew, pale blue and yellow, and a brand new, cream and white one.

“You can use the one on the right, Pepper, I added it for you. The boys can use the old one.”

Adam’s eyes widened, a feeling of impending doom invading him. Aziraphale waited in happy anticipation.

Pepper’s lips pressed in a firm line and she squinted her eyes.

“What do you mean, the one on the right is _mine?_ ” she asked coldly.

Aziraphale blinked in confusion. “Well… I made a second bathroom, since you were coming.”

“So because I’m a _girl_ , I can’t use the _normal_ bathroom? I can perfectly use the boy’s bathroom too, you know!”

The angel’s face fell. That wasn’t a pleasant sight. Even Pepper felt slightly guilty, but she refused to back out.

“Oh. Oh, I… of course you can, dear girl. I mean...”

Aziraphale looked at the two bathrooms, then back at the children, and finally wished them all goodnight before exiting the room with a smile a little less sunny than a minute before.

Adam looked sternly at his friend.

“That was _sexist_ , that’s what it was,” affirmed Pepper, crossing her arms.

Adam and Wensley exchanged a guilty glance. Adam was fairly sure he should say something in his uncle’s Aziraphale defence, but he didn’t know what exactly. Wensley was clearly not wanting to take sides. Brian was rummaging through his trunk, seemingly unconcerned by the whole affair.

“Uncle Z isn’t a bad person,” declared Adam. “He would never be a sexist _willingly_.”

Wensley nodded frantically. That was something he could back up.

“Oh, then everything is _fine_ , right?” erupted Pepper sarcastically. “If he didn’t do it on purpose, I guess we can condemn _that_ kind of behaviour, it’s no problem at all, we will just let it go. He didn’t _mean_ to be rude!”

The two boys looked at each other again. They really wanted to agree, but there was a trick there, that much was obvious. Wensley gave up.

“I’m going to change,” he announced before entering the boy’s bathroom. Pepper raised a challenging eyebrow at Adam. Who stood his ground. After a minute, the girl huffed angrily.

“So? Are you going to say it was alright?”

The Antichrist made a face. That was a tricky question.

“I don’t know if it was alright, but I know you hurt his feelings, is all.”

Pepper didn’t answer to that. Actually, there was a little voice at the back of her mind saying the exact same thing since Aziraphale had exited, and she didn’t like it one bit.

“Well… well, maybe he should… be more careful in the future,” she finally answered, her voice wavering a little.

“Why?” asked Brian, who had finally fished his pyjamas out of his trunk. “He did nothing wrong.”

Pepper’s ire, who was having trouble staying alive, reignited in a second.

“He did nothing _wrong?_ Forcing me to use another bathroom because I’m a _girl?_ ”

Brian frowned. “But he didn’t force you. He said you _could_ use it, not that you had to.”

Pepper blinked.

“In fact,” pursued Brian, scratching his scalp like every time he focused on something, which wasn’t often, “I think making the second bathroom was kinda nice. Gave you a choice. Not doing it _would_ have been forcing you. To share with us, I mean. Anyway, the girl’s one is nicer. I’ll use it since you don’t want to.”

Adam watched his friend enter the cream bathroom pensively. Brian really was something when he put his mind to it.

“I’m off to the boy’s room,” he announced. “You can come in too if you want.”

Pepper found herself alone in the room. She had no desire to change in front of her friends, to be honest. But she couldn’t use the new bathroom _now_ , could she? But… Brian was using it, so maybe if she waited for him to come out, it wouldn’t be a defeat to use it… right ?”

Someone knocked at the door. Without waiting for an answer, Crowley opened.

“What’s happening here?” he asked, looking around for the boys.

“Nothing. Why?” answered Pepper defensively.

“Aziraphale is sad. Who did this?”

Pepper straightened herself. “I did nothing wrong!”

Crowley’s mouth tugged a little at the corner. “Should have guessed.”

He took two steps, snatched his glasses off, and crouched in front of the girl with a sigh.

“Listen, Pepper. Whatever he did or say, you have to remember he didn’t want to hurt you. He is… clumsy, sometimes. Not only with children, with everyone. He is not very good at socialisation. He told the emperor of Japan that his wig was fabulous when the man was using that toupee to hide his balding head. He wished Charo a happy 50th birthday on the _actual_ day! In front of _people_ !”

The girl pondered. She was feeling slightly bad, seeing the demon assume his friend was the guilty party without even asking what had happened.

He was, of course. He _was_ the guilty one. But still, that wasn’t exactly fair… right?

“You mean he is clumsy talking to humans?” she asked carefully.

The demon chuckled. “Oh, Satan, no! Not only humans, anyone ! Always been considered a weirdo by the other angels, and I don’t think he would have been different as a demon. He is even worse with kids, to be honest. Never knows what to say to them. But even when he says something hurtful, he never _wants_ it to harm. He cares a lot, you know ? You know that, right ?”

And Crowley’s pleading eyes were the last drop.

“He didn’t do anything wrong,” confessed Pepper. “In fact… I think _I_ was mean to him.”

Crowley squinted his eyes. “Not really like you, to be mean without a good reason.”

Pepper refused to look at him. She had to make things right. Acknowledging a mistake and apologizing for it was a sign of strength. No way she would act like a coward.

“I have to see him.”

“It’s late. It can wait tomorrow,” said Crowley temptingly.

“No. I am going _now_.”

The girl nodded decidedly and stomped to the stairs. Crowley watched her retreat with a grin.

“You promised you wouldn’t manipulate my friends,” declared Adam’s voice in his back. It wasn’t exactly an accusation, more of an observation.

The demon didn’t turn. “Well maybe you shouldn’t let your friends hurt _mine,_ ” he answered breezily.

Adam hummed and jumped on his mattress.

“I don’t think that will happen again.”

The demon stood up, leaned to ruffle his godson’s hair and smiled fondly.

“I hope so, kid. Or I’ll have to deprive you all of ice-cream until you come of age.”

When Crowley finally got back to the bookshop, he was greeted by a tearful angel hugging a little girl that only had a dust in her eye and would beat the crap out of anyone daring to say otherwise.

Crowley grinned. “Careful, or you’re going to ruin your reputation for being a complete bad ass,” he chuckled as he passed by them.

“I am _not_ crying !” lied Pepper, straightening herself.

“Wasn’t talking to you,” answered the demon, still grining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Pepper ! I adore her !  
> As a very clumsy human myself, I wondered what would happen if our very clumsy angel and our very decided girl had kind of a misunderstanding.  
> These kind of situations happen to me A. LOT.  
> Don't worry, they're both extra fine and closer than before after that. I have the feeling Aziraphale would bring out Pepper's soft side. He's good at that after all^^
> 
> So the Them did they thing, and this story, who was supposed to be ONE ficlet, took longer than expected.  
> So tomorrow's ficlet will be "First off, nothing is on fire. Yet." and it will take place the following day, with the Them of course.  
> It will be funier than today ! If of course my characters agree to FOLLOW THE PLOT for once !  
> Yes, I'm looking at you, Crowley.


	2. The Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley tries some cooking experiment.  
> It goes exactly as planned. Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the 3 days delay, everyone! Work was very hard and I was too tired to write.  
> I am officially on a 10 days vacations !!! So prepare for FICS ! LOTS of fics !!!
> 
> I decided to post it as a second chapter since it's still during the Them's schooltrip...
> 
> February's ficlet #15  
> Prompt "First of all, nothing is on fire. Yet"
> 
> Thanks to megzseattle for the idea^^  
> You were right, writing Crowley trying to cook was VERY funny !

Crowley didn’t feel tired, and decided not to sleep this night. He spent some time writing nonsense on Wikipedia, but soon got bored, and he wondered what to do to occupy his time… talking with his friend was out of the question. The angel was working on some obscure manuscript and was so ensconced at his desk with his illumination equipment that it would be hard enough to have him look up and join the kids for breakfast in the morning.

Breakfast… that was something Crowley could handle. It could be fun for once, to do it the human way, instead of driving to the little boulangerie Aziraphale was so fond of, the one that was selling those “perfect” croissants. As if making croissants was _that_ difficult.

He snatched his phone from his pocket and started to search.

Butter, flour, milk… sugar and salt. Yeast? What was that ? Never mind, there was so little not using any wouldn’t make that great a change.

The demon climbed the stairs leading to the flat and barged into the kitchen triumphally. He was greeted with a growl that sent chills down his spine.

“Oy, it’s me you stupid mutt! Shaddup!”

Dog, sitting in front of the bedroom’s door, eyed him, unfazed.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Tadfield, hmm?” questioned the demon, starting to open the cupboards. “Can’t stay away for long, right?”

This, decided Dog, wasn’t really a question. Of course he couldn’t stay away from his Master. He _had_ to stay near. He sat down and looked at the demon in interest. Crowley dropped the bottle of milk, which burst on the floor, and blinked at the mess before snapping his fingers to clean it.

The door to the bedchamber opened with a creak.

“Uncle Crowley… what are you doing? We’re trying to sleep, here!”

“Yeah, right,” drooled the demon. “Sleeping. At eight thirty. At a sleepover. I you _really_ want to sleep I can help,” he added, raising his hand like he was about to snap his fingers.

Adam huffed. “You’re not funny, you know.”

“I’m _hilarious_ , that’ what I am.”

Dog entered the bedroom, Adam closed the door, and Crowley used a small demonic miracle to make the kitchen soundproof.

“Alright. Back to croissants… shouldn’t be that hard.”

Aziraphale put his quill down with a frown. Something wasn’t right. He still had a lot of work left on this manuscript’s restoration, but he couldn’t focus anymore. This was unusual enough to trouble him.

He deployed his Grace, lightly brushing the four young souls sleeping upstairs. Nothing strange, if for the presence of a Hellhound that wasn’t supposed to be here, but that was no surprise.

Then he extended his search.

Oh. Crowley was upstairs too, and he wasn’t feeling good. _That_ was what had called his attention. Frowning, the angel climbed the stairs a little quicker than usual. His friend didn’t seem afraid, but he felt stressed and defeated.

His entrance in the kitchen was unnoticed.

“Oh, dear Lord,” he breathed out in awe as he took in his surroundings.

There was flour almost everywhere. He looked at Crowley, dishevelled and covered in white powder, and giggled. The demon’s eyes shot up from a batch of brown things he was contemplating in sorrow. He took a deep breath, holding out his hand in warning.

“First of all, angel, nothing is on fire… yet.”

“It certainly smells like it,” managed Aziraphale between two bouts of giggling.

Crowley pouted. “You’re breaking my heart. You know that, right? Breaking it, angel.”

“And what exactly are you trying to achieve, dear boy?”

The demon straightened himself, and presented his burned batch with a flourish. “Ça me parait évident, voyons : des croissants.”

Aziraphale made a show of examining the lumps of charcoal and hummed approvingly. “So sorry, my dear. Of course it is. They look positively delicious.”

Crowley nodded seriously. “I know, I’m a natural. The secret is to cook ‘em a little more than usual. Love the crusty feeling.”

“I am certain the children will be delighted to have them for breakfast,” affirmed Aziraphale, deadpan.

“I don’t know, angel,” drawled the demon. “It’s a little too fancy for their taste. Casting pearls before swine, that would be.”

His friend pondered for a minute, nodding thoughtfully. “But don’t you think we should help them develop their taste to a higher grade, Crowley?”

“Better start low. I’ll pop up at that French bakery to buy some _average_ croissants. Maybe they’ll be worthy of mine next time.”

Aziraphale smiled serenely. “I trust your expertise, my dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may write another short story with the Them at the bookshop...


End file.
